Time Warp
by Violet CLM
Summary: When Devan's henchlizard steals Eva's wedding gem, it's up to Jazz, Spaz, and R.A.B.T. to save Carrotus and the Galactic Rabbits. A retelling of JJ2.
1. Prologue

In the recent past of three thousand years from now, a rabbit named Jazz Jackrabbit braved the perils of the galaxy in a never ceasing search for the rabbit princess, Eva Earlong. After many brave adventures, Jazz finally recovered the princess from her kidnapper, Devan Shell, and returned Eva to her home planet of Carrotus. By this time, the two rabbits had fallen in love, and arrangements had been made for their marriage. Unfortunately, as the cliché goes, it's darn hard to keep a criminally insane turtle down for long. Mere days after his shocking defeat at the hands of Jazz Jackrabbit, and the subsequent crashing of all his plans for galactic domination, Devan Shell had concocted a new, simpler plan.  
The galaxy was a really big place, so it was only logical to start with just one planet. Thus, Devan decided to conquer Carrotus, the home of the rabbits, the ancient enemies of the turtles. The only obstacle was, of course, the rabbits. Devan began work upon a machine that would remove this one last obstacle. This machine, dubbed the Junction Jumper 2000 (or JJ2 for short), was, on the eve of Jazz and Eva's wedding, all ready save for one small detail - the power source.  
The derelict planet of Tubelectric could easily have powered JJ2, and hundreds of other contraptions like it, but JJ2 was compact and needed a small source of power, about the size of Devan himself. A power gem, maybe.  
Power gems were a recognized phenomenon in the galaxy. Properly faceted gemstones, when bombarded with positively charged photons, would begin glowing with a radiance possibly derived from some parallel universe. This radiance was not so much normal light as pure unchecked energy, and could easily be harnessed to provide enough electric energy to run machines up to ten times the size of the gem itself, even subtracting the energy needed to continue the photon bombardment.  
The most popular source for power gems was the rich grassland planet of Diamondus, where for some unknown reason, power gems seemed almost to grow out of the dirt. Sadly, after Devan's brief takeover of the planet during his initial attempt at galactic domination, the Galactic Rabbits had banished Diamondus to a pocket dimension which only the most highly trained lagomorphic personnel could enter. Devan had no way of getting into the Diamondus Dimension, but thanks to his excessively elaborate spy network, he did know where an as of yet untapped power gem could be found. 


	2. Introducing Spaz

The very next day, all of Carrotus was alive with excitement as the hour of their beloved princess' marriage grew ever closer. Even the usually disreputable War Tavern was decorated in pastel colors, and the sign over the door had received a new coat of paint for the first time anyone could remember. Inside, a slightly underage rabbit was having an argument with the bartender. The rabbit's position was that he had every right to celebrate the upcoming marriage in any fashion he should choose, while the bartender had no wish to be convicted. Eventually, the bartender won, and the rabbit found himself out upon the streets of Hopteego Village, Carrotus.  
The rabbit in question happened to be named Spaz Jackrabbit, the brother of the great hero Jazz Jackrabbit. Spaz had come to Carrotus shortly after first learning of his brother's royal success, and had reluctantly been welcomed at the castle into the role of "Future Prince-in- law". Unfortunately, Spaz had no idea whatsoever what that meant.  
This was, primarily, because Spaz had an apparently incurable case of habitual insanity. In obvious contrast to the cool, well-trained attitude of his green brother, Spaz could not sit still for more than a second, and was prone to violent bursts of movement in no apparent main direction. Spaz had enormous eyes, which served well to distract you from the fact he was often drooling, and his few vestiges of clothing consisted of two blue boots and a pair of armbands. His wild, ignorant nature ruined him for a life of work at an early age, and he had thus earned the nickname of "Slackrabbit". One of Spaz's few redeeming traits was the enormous, natural love he felt for all of his family and friends - a trait which alone allowed Eva to prevent her mother from banishing the red rabbit outright.  
Now, while casually lying on his back outside of the War Tavern door, Spaz caught sight of a small dog. He instantly bounded over towards the animal, eagerly requesting as he went the time of day. The dog panted once, twice, thrice, four times.  
"Six'o'clock? Oh no! I'm going to be late!" Spaz chortled, falling flat upon his face, picking himself up, and dashing off to Carrotus Castle at breakneck speeds. The guards barely had time to open the front door before Spaz shot inside, up two flights of stairs, through a door, down a hole in the floor, around a random pillar six times, up another flight of stairs, across a long hallway, and straight into his brother.  
"Spaz?" asked Jazz shakily, picking himself up for the floor. "Aren't you supposed to be getting ready for the wedding?"  
"Aren't you married?" asked Spaz dreamily to a point three feet to the right of Jazz's head.  
"No... that's not for an hour. Look at you! You're not even wearing any pants!"  
Spaz shrugged helplessly, and burped.  
"And look what you did to my new coat! Dust all over it! Oh, Spaz..."  
At about this point, the words 'getting ready for the wedding' penetrated into Spaz's brain. "Ok, bro! Tell me what I gotta do and I'll try not to forget it!"  
"Uhh. Well, you're the best man, so I suppose you ought to have the ring ready..."  
Spaz's eyes widened. Ring. He had seen the ring. It was enormous. And he knew exactly where it was.  
  
Reggie snuck quietly into the bedroom of Prince Jazz. It was right there in front of him - the Diamondus Gem, resplendent in its enormous glory. Easily bigger than Reggie's head - and yet, surprisingly light, as the yellow lizard found out upon lifting it. This was going to be an incredibly easy robbery. And then the rabbit walked in.  
"Hey, that's Jazz's ring." said the rabbit, blinking at the darkness of the room around him. "Give it to us."  
Reggie gulped. Us? He had not bargained for any resistance at all, let alone a whole party of Galactic Rabbits. The lizard had left behind his only weapon, a box of bombs, before entering the castle, and was woefully unarmed. There was no sense in sacrificing himself if it could be avoided.  
"Sure. Here you go." Reggie handed the ring to the rabbit, who took it and ran off wildly. 'Devan Shell will kill me,' thought Reggie, 'unless I think of another way to get that gem.'  
  
Jazz started in wonderment at this vision of beauty before him. Sure, Eva was pretty enough in her ordinary pink dress, but this was incredible. The rabbit princess was clothed in a delicate, lacy white outfit, opening in a V at the back and doing a good job of outlining her hourglass body. In addition to her customary gold rings, Eva wore two lacy armbands near the shoulder, and her customary golden tiara had been replaced with a glittering white veil. Every vestige of her light blue fur had been brushed flat, as if she had been drawn by a lazy artist. It was a truly beautiful image.  
The priest's voice rang out once more, startling Jazz out of his trance. "Be assured that if any persons are joined together otherwise than as God's word allows, their marriage is not lawful."  
Jazz and Eva looked at each other. As had been the case when the priest called out to all those watching, neither had any objections. The ceremony continued, addressing the bridge before the groom, as was the custom on Carrotus.  
"Do you, Eva Earlong, take Jazz Jackrabbit to be your lawfully wedded husband?"  
"I do." said Eva, smiling at Jazz. Jazz almost went back into his trance, but pulled himself out of it quickly before the priest could even speak again. "And you betcha I'll take her, Padre! I do! I do! I do!"  
The priest smiled softly, as Spaz cried at high intensity in the background. There was no doubt in either of their minds that this union would work out well.  
"Ahem..." began the priest, and everyone looked at him. "Well then! I guess all there's left for me is to say that you may now... kiss the bride?!"  
The room went completely silent as the two rabbits kissed. And kissed. They would probably have gone on for much longer, had not Jazz been distracted by hearing Spaz's anxious declaration of "Oh, no! I lost the ring! Where is it?!"  
  
Reggie stood worriedly outside Carrotus Castle, his mind replaying his earlier discussion with Devan.  
"Help make history with you? Sure thing boss!" he had said, milking the "stupid lizard" look for all it was worth. In case he ever needed to betray Devan, it was best that the turtle assumed him to be an utter moron.  
Devan had then outlined why he wanted the Diamondus Gem inside of Carrotus Castle, why it was utterly important that he had the gem TONIGHT (apparently the installation of power gems only worked about once a year, due to some solar synchronization thing Reggie had not learned in lizard school), how it didn't matter if he killed anyone, and how important it was not to be followed.  
Well, it was too late to worry about that last one. The sun was already fading behind the trees, so it was now or never. The rabbits would simply have to know Reggie was there. 


	3. Reggie vs Queen

"Hee hee! Just kiddin' bro." said Spaz, showing no discomposure at Jazz's ice melting glare. "Here it is cutey pie!!"  
This last was addressed to Eva, not Jazz, as Spaz pulled from nowhere the ring, glittering atop a large purple pillow. Eva accepted the archaic symbol, at the same time commenting on its size in a highly suggestive manner. All eyes watched her as she examined the enormous jewel resting upon her finger.  
"It's a shame it's too large for me to wear." said Eva finally, smiling. Jazz looked worried, but was somehow reassured by a teasing remark from Eva's mother. "Kid, you're lucky you got that rock through the front door!"  
And then the front door exploded.  
"Pardon me," said a whiny reptilian voice from the cloud of smoke, "I hope I'm not interrupting... I was sent by Devan Shell to borrow your gem. He's going to take over the world, y'know?"  
A yellow lizard attached to a backpack Copter flew from the wreckage of the door right towards Eva, who attempted to back away but was hampered by the elaborate wedding outfit. Chuckling, he removed the shining gem from Eva's ring with no trouble at all, before flying away. The assembled rabbits stood there, stunned, the echoes of his last words still ringing in their ears; "Well, HAVE A NICE DAY!"  
The silence was broken by Eva's mother, who angrily turned upon the puzzled looking Jazz Jackrabbit. "Did he say Devan Shell?" she raged, "The Devan Shell you supposedly defeated? Why is he running AMOK in my kingdom AGAIN? YOU'RE NOT FIT TO BE MARRIED TO MY DAUGHTER! GUARDS! Throw the former prince into the dungeon!"  
Rabbits began slowly to leave the room, in pairs or large groups, discussing what had just happened. Spaz and Eva stood there, worried, as a group of armored guardsmen picked up Jazz and carried him bodily away. The queen swept from the room majestically, kicking away the discarded ring, no longer attached to the enormous gem which had made it so noticeable. Eventually, even Jazz's brother and semi-wife left the room, silently, in their respective directions.  
  
Reggie expertly steered his Copter through Devan's defensive network of laser blasts, alighting on a small rocky outcropping of a mountain, which marked the entrance to Devan's secret underground lab. With the last of his bombs, Reggie destroyed the copter, just in case any of the rabbits had somehow slapped a tracing device upon it. Satisfied, the lizard walked through the long entrance tunnel, knowing even as he did so he was being scanned by countless cameras, making sure he was really the lizard he appeared to be. The process appeared to return a positive answer, as before Reggie had gotten too far along, a door in the wall on the right opened, and he entered.  
The door led to a small, dark room, lit solely by the strangely pulsating gem held in Reggie's hands. By its meager light, the lizard could see Devan Shell, standing impatiently in the far corner.  
"Here it is, boss," said Reggie, extending the gem towards his turtlian leader. "The Diamondus Gem, just like you asked."  
Devan's hook nosed face split into a wide, evil smile, his shiny teeth poking disturbingly outward as he took the gem from Reggie. "Excellent!" crowed the turtle, even as Reggie once more adopted his 'stupid lizard' look. "My plan is right on schedule now... Carrotus will soon surrender to ME!" He began to walk out of the room through a hidden doorway, as Reggie stood, watching. "With the Diamondus Gem in place, my time machine will be fully operational!" The turtle laughed, a loud menacing laugh, and Reggie shivered. Devan was one turtle he would not want as his enemy in the near future.  
  
Eva Earlong sighed as she replaced her ordinary golden tiara upon her head. The veil, and with it, the rest of the beautiful white wedding dress, had gone back into the trunk until such time as she could find someone "more suitable", as her mother had put it. As if someone "more suitable" would ever come along, now that Devan had in some way doomed Carrotus once more. The last time this had happened, Jazz had saved them, but now Jazz was in the dungeons, unfairly sentenced to life imprisonment. Eva would have rescued him in a moment, but she could never disobey her mother's explicit wishes - so went the family curse. Even the queen, big and imposing as she was now, had once been forced to obey the every whim and desire of her own mother, Countess Amanda von Earlong.  
Countess Amanda... the mental mention of the name brought back a long forgotten memory, a hidden communication system behind a bookshelf in the chambers of the Queen. On that system, on frequency 4487, one could reach R.A.B.T., the hidden army Countess Amanda had organized should Carrotus ever fall into grave danger. And if R.A.B.T. was still an active organization, then perhaps...  
Eva sped through the hallways of Carrotus Castle and careened to a stop before the doorway of the Queen's chambers. She flexed her long ears, another inheritance, and their families' namesake. Her mother was not within, probably off making some speech or other about the evilness of Jazz. The door was unlocked. Eva slipped in, and crossed the parlor to a bookshelf, where she pulled out or pushed in several books, seemingly at random. The shelves slid open, revealing an elaborate machine which Eva's cousin Razz would have loved to study. 4487, was it?  
The machine buzzed, and a yellow rabbit appeared on a large screen. The rabbit was dressed in a purple exercise outfit, and was reading from a book, obviously not suspecting any call from the castle. Eva coughed, the rabbit jumped, the book went flying. Quickly recovering, the yellow rabbit ran to what Eva assumed must be a copy of the machine in the castle, though all she could tell was that there had to be a camera of some sort on the other end. "Corporal Lori reporting for R.A.B.T., madam Eva Earlong! What's the trouble?"  
Eva quickly outlined the scene that had taken place at her failed wedding. "...and the lizard says Devan's going to take over the world! Do you know anything about this?"  
"Nothing direct," responded Corporal Lori, her eyes traveling downwards to an unknown attraction, "but we've been having attacks from lizards and turtles all day. Wait, incoming call..."  
Eva stood patiently as Lori left the camera's field of vision for two minutes. When the yellow rabbit returned, she looked excited. "That was a report from our outpost in Greenland Forest. A lizard on a Copter matching your description has been sighted flying overhead, carrying a large gem."  
Eva gulped. "Could they tell where he was going?"  
"A few of our scientists plotted his most likely route based on the flight we had managed to record. He seems to be heading towards one of the caves above Runabout Canyon. They've never been extensively plotted - anything could be inside. With your permission, I'll send a group of R.A.B.T. Soldiers to intercept his plans?"  
"Yes..." said Eva, somewhat dazed. She had had no idea R.A.B.T. still existed, let alone was so incredibly large and well organized. "Yes, you do that. Hurry - we don't know how long we have until Devan's plans begins."  
Lori nodded, and cut the connection, leaving Eva to ponder over what had just happened, and hope for the safety of Carrotus. Her reverie, however, was cut short at the sound of approaching footsteps. The Queen was coming back! Eva quickly shut the bookcase and darted out of the room, only to run into Spaz, the true source of the footsteps.  
Spaz.  
Spaz... Jazz's loyal brother.  
Of course... Eva could not directly disobey her mother by letting Jazz go herself, but others could... and she was willing to bet if anyone could help Jazz escape, it would be this strange red rabbit. "Spaz," began Eva, as the one named picked himself off of the floor, "you and Jazz are this planet's only hope! You'll have to go into the dungeon and help Jazz!"  
"Okie?" responded Spaz, his tongue hanging limply from his mouth as he attempted to understand what she had just said. Fortunately, this did not take too long, as he was quickly off and running towards the dungeons. 'And why does he know where they are?' wondered Eva, before dismissing the thought and leaving in the opposite direction. 


	4. Castle dungeons

Whoof! Went Spaz's lungs as he landed bottom-first on the cold stones of the dungeon. Turning around, he looked up at the long slide he had used to come down here. There was no way back up such a slippery thing - Jazz would obviously have to find another way to escape.  
Spaz picked himself up and began to walk down a dark passageway with "Jail Cells" written above it in neon red letters. It was not a long passage, and he soon found himself facing a row of dark cells, subtly lighted by burning torches. The first cell was empty, as was the second, but in the third the red rabbit found Jazz, hanging by his arms from the wall. A key laid on the floor beneath him, tantalizingly just out of reach for the long rabbit feet of the captive. The sensible part of Spaz's brain wondered briefly where all the guards were, but dismissed that thought as inconsequential.  
"Hey bro!" cried Spaz, walking forwards and picking up the key, "Eva sent me here to get you outta this dungeon!"  
Jazz's drawn face changed to a smile as he recognized his brother. "Great! How do we get out?"  
Spaz began unlocking the chains holding Jazz to the wall, thinking of the slippery slide he had come down. "I have no flippin' idea!" he responded, as the shackles let go and Jazz fell down to the floor. The green rabbit cursed and picked himself up, removing his backpack and rummaging through it.  
"Aha!" cried Jazz, pulling forth a long, sleek blue blaster. "I knew they hadn't confiscated my weapon when I felt it pressing against my back!" This looked like excellent fun to Spaz, who plunged his hand into the backpack as well, but only produced a porta-fax, which he threw, disgusted, to the floor.  
"No...!" shouted Jazz, diving for the falling machine, but he was too late, and it splintered on the stone floor of the dungeon. "...Spaz! That was my - our only means of communication!"  
"Sorry," said Spaz, looking truly crestfallen. "I only was looking for a gun."  
"This is the only one I have," said Jazz, hefting the blue blaster and replacing the backpack onto his shoulders. "Well, no use mourning over spilt carrot juice. If I understand right, we've got a world to save, and the first step is getting out of these dungeons!"  
  
Nothing eventful happened for several minutes, until the two rabbits came across a disturbing scene of carnage. The prison guards were strewn across the floor, some with their backs against the wall, but all decidedly dead. The one nearest Spaz was an orange rabbit with his head bashed in, a small standard issue blaster hanging uselessly from his lifeless paw. With no concept of respect for the dead, Spaz took the small weapon, which was still fully charged.  
The source of the massacre was soon obvious, as a bloodstained turtle ambled into view, making stupid turtle noises. Unlike the guards, Jazz was quick and deadly, and in an instant little remained of the turtle but its shell, bouncing into a wall from the force of the bullet's explosion.  
"What just happened?" asked Spaz, confused.  
"Turtles," responded Jazz, staring sadly at the dead rabbits surrounding them. "Somehow they've invaded the dungeons... maybe they're freeing the prisoners."  
"Nobody else was in the cells!" announced Spaz.  
"That would be it, then. Well, this may turn out to have a silver lining after all. If the turtles got in, then we can get out. Just... follow the trail of turtles, I guess."  
"Okie!" cried the red rabbit, brandishing the green blaster wildly. Pressing his powerful rabbit feet against the ground, Spaz leaped forwards into a pit which, for some unknown reason, had an arrow sign pointing into it. Jazz sighed and, for lack of anything else to do, followed his brother's fall. As he landed, Jazz shifted into a fighting crouch, looking around. Two passages lead off in opposite directions. A turtle was coming towards him from one of the passages, but a quick shot put an end to that. "That's the path we follow," said Jazz, walking confidently ahead, closely followed by Spaz.  
The dungeon area of the castle was immense, and obviously designed by someone with far too much time on his paws. More than that, it was simply impractical. There was simply no point to having huge spacious caverns underneath the ground, filled with pits of spikes and fragile pillars, if the actual jail cell area occupied only a small part of it. Fruits, pots, suits of armor and other odd materials suggested that perhaps the dungeons had been converted into an enormous storage space, at least until Devan's turtle army had invaded.  
It was a funny feeling, walking around underneath the castle, but the solid walls and countless pillars seemed able to support the weight. Spaz showed no signs of being claustrophobic, much to Jazz's relief, as no good could come from his panicking, especially considering how narrow some of the ledges they had to cross were. Several times, the brothers barely missed falling off of the narrow drawbridges, onto the spikes below, only to be saved by grasping onto either a chain or the other rabbit.  
Obviously the dank and colorless dungeons did afford some support for habitation, however, as many purple bat creatures expressed their resentment at being disturbed by the two rabbits and had to be disposed of. There were also a number of small dragon-like creatures, which could breathe flame but little else. Jazz showed Spaz how to use the Blue Bouncer Bullets which could be found stored in various parts of the dungeons to dispose of the tiny green annoyances, and they proceeded more or less without incident, following a combination of Jazz's intuition and a series of arrow signs affixed to the wall.  
One of the biggest shocks they received was when, in an attempt to reach a Powerup kit for the bouncer bullets, Jazz found a fully occupied birdcage. The inhabitant of the cage, a half-golden Hip-Hop bird, had a small blue gun upon its beak, and looked strangely familiar.  
"...Chuck?" asked Jazz, confused.  
"Oh," replied the bird, "it's that rabbit guy. Jowels, right?"  
"Jazz, actually."  
"Yeah, whatever. Look, just get me outta this cage, willya? A turtle dumped me in here a few hours ago and I haven't eaten since. Can you spare the red guy? He looks a little thin, but edible..."  
"Absolutely not!" said Jazz, destroying the bird cage with one carefully calculated shot which did no damage to the bird. "What are you doing here, though? I thought you lived on Diamondus."  
"Lived is the right word," snapped Chuck, ruffling his wing feathers and doing a few experimental hops. "When your four eyed scientist pals sent Diamondus off to another flyging DIMENSION, we barely managed to get off the planet in time, and only a few survived the journey. I had to hitch a ride with some bigshot Professor Dimbulbia, and even that only because his assistant liked the noises I made. Some guy called Lupin.. Lypin... Lapin, I think it was."  
"Uh... right. But what are you doing in the dungeons of Carrotus Castle?"  
"What are you?" countered Chuck, unhelpfully. "Never mind, you can tell me about that later. Well, I WAS living the easy life here on this Carrotus planet when a bunch of turtles and lizards come along and start capturing everyone I know. As if I didn't get enough of that last time around! Weren't you supposed to have gotten rid of Devan or whoever it was?"  
"Touchy subject."  
"Yeah, sure. Anyways, I try to escape by flying into a hole in the ground. Turns out, the hole leads to the dungeons, and I've got half a dozen stupid yellow lizards following me. Eventually I get hungry, land to find food, and a turtle cages me. Then you come along!"  
"Who are you?" asked Spaz, who had managed to climb up onto the ledge Jazz and Chuck were standing on. He looked at Chuck somewhat hungrily, but the Hip-Hop leaped backwards into the air, circling above.  
"Whoa, don't even think about it, rabbit kid! I'm a lot tougher than you can handle."  
"This is Chuck," supplied Jazz, helpfully. "He helped me a little back on Diamondus after I first heard of Devan... oh. Devan, right. We don't really have any time to talk right now, Chuck, the world's in danger again."  
"Danger? That's great and all, but hey, I've got a family to look after these days. I do know the way out of this dungeon dilemma you've found yourselves in, however, so if you want to get out, just follow my lead."  
The two rabbits looked at each other and shrugged. As the Hip-Hop took off, Jazz grabbed the Powerup kit, and followed. Spaz stood confused for a moment before leaping down off the ledge in pursuit.  
  
"Ok, the exit should be right through the hole in this pillar," said Chuck, a few hours later.  
"Why... why and how would a sign have 'Cheese is green on Tuesday' written on it?" asked Spaz, looking mistrustfully up into the sky. "It reeks of dark, evil magic!"  
"Forget about the sign, Spaz," advised Jazz, looking into the opening. "Come on, we're almost out of here."  
"But..."  
"Come on!" Jazz grabbed his brother and shoved the red rabbit through the hole before climbing in himself. Chuck flapped steadily after them. 


	5. Jazz & Co vs Queen

The R.A.B.T. Offensive Squadron #14 emerged from their hiding place behind one of the giant carrots Carrotus was famous for. The leader, a muscled gray rabbit in green spandex, readied his gun and scanned the skies for movement. There was none - only clouds could be seen in the blue sky, a peaceful vision that had little to do with the events that would soon follow. "Come on, men," barked the leader, "we've got a job to do!"  
Offensive Squadron #14 was stationed inside of Runabout Canyon, and until now had never received any actual fighting experience. Due to the severe lack of local events for the last several years, the five rabbits were only used to holograms and drill masters which didn't fight to kill, and now they had been sent to prevent Devan Shell from - in some unknown fashion - ruling the world. Their chances did not seem good.  
Regardless, the five rabbits began their climb up the cliffs of Runabout Canyon. Their map, sent via porta-fax by headquarters, showed that the guessed entrance to Devan's lair was only about fifty feet up from this spot. The cliff-side was dotted with jagged outcroppings, thorn bushes, loose stones and other obstacles, but rabbits are naturally agile, and OS#14 made it up with no major difficulties.  
"This looks like the place," concluded an albino rabbit in black leather, after a quick observation. "Notice; slight remnants of ash, suggesting a fire. Small, lizard shaped footprints, leading into the cave. Charred skeleton of Hip-Hop bird within, indicating defensive protocols."  
"Good work," allowed the spandex-clad leader, peering in at the bird's carcass with some revulsion. "All right, strategists! I want a fully operational plan for how we get in safely within five minutes."  
This command was met with varying degrees of un-enthusiasm, but the R.A.B.T. trained minds set to work on the problem.  
  
Jazz landed on the cold floor of the dungeon and looked around. To his left was a series of sharp metal spikes, glinting evilly in the pale evening light. The light was coming from the right, from a door in the wall roughly six feet high. The only thing blocking his and Spaz's escape from the castle dungeons was Eva's mother, who stood angrily in front of the doorway, teeth showing in a mad snarl, shield held firmly in one paw for protection against the brothers' blasters. A quick glance to the side revealed Spaz openly staring at the Queen, probably trying to understand how she could have gotten there.  
"Why is your shield round on top, but pointed at the bottom?" asked Spaz, curiously.  
Then again, maybe not. Jazz lowered his weapon to the ground, and was about to address her when she cut him short, her very words feeling like knives cutting into his flesh.  
"How DARE you escape from the jail cell my guards put you into?! And this red rabbit HELPED you out, didn't he? I TOLD my daughter it was a bad idea letting HIM into the castle..."  
"She didn't let me in," supplied Spaz.  
"What?"  
"I ran in. It was six'o'clock, and I wanted to be on time, but then I ran so fast the time went back an hour, and Jazz crashed into me because I wasn't wearing any pants. And Devan stole..."  
"Don't talk of Devan to me!" screamed the Queen, interrupting Spaz's ramblings so loudly that the two rabbits felt themselves being shoved backwards into the spikes by the sheer sonic power of her voice. They hastily braced themselves against the wall to avoid the sharp pointy things which lurked behind them, as the Queen continued to scream.  
"Stole my daughter's gem on her wedding day! The honor of the clan Earlong will be ruined for years from this outrage! Jail is too good for you Jackrabbits."  
"So..." began Spaz, uncertainly. "...you're going to kill us?" finished Jazz.  
"EXACTLY!" screamed the Queen, with renewed vigor, stomping her foot against the ground. The dungeons rumbled, and Jazz felt the brick he had been holding on to crumble out of the wall, leaving him defenseless against the sonic onslaught of his intended-mother-in-law's lungs. Thinking fast, he leaped into the air, expertly twisting his body in mid-flight so that he landed on a bare spot between two of the spikes. Spaz was not so lucky, as a brick from the ceiling dislodged itself and fell onto his head.  
"Birdies!" cried Spaz in delight, falling to the floor. "They're circling around my head and I can't eat them!"  
"Ah, shut up." snapped Chuck, perched atop the sill of a window which opened into darkness. "It's kind of obvious you're not getting anywhere by reasoning with her."  
"What else can we do?" asked Jazz, peeking his head out from the crouched position he had landed in.  
"Fight her," responded Chuck lazily, before quickly jumping to the side as another dislodged brick landed on the spot where he had been perched.  
"Fight Jazz's mother-in-law?"  
"I WILL NEVER BE YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW!" raged the Queen, once more powerfully slamming her foot into the floor. Bricks flew in all directions, and a hole opened in the wall above Spaz, who barely missed being squashed by the falling masonry.  
Attracted by the noises, one of the purple bat creatures stuck its head out of the new hole briefly before flying into the battle chamber, teeth bared, in the direction of Spaz's unprotected head. A jolt of compassion shot through Chuck's mind, and the Hip-Hop brought the gun upon his beak to point at the bat thing before firing. Two bullets sprang forth with devastating results, and the bat thing burst into a shower of purple gore. The death did not go unnoticed, however, as within no time dozens more of the purple bat creatures had entered through the hole in the wall, and began flying around madly, biting at anything that moved.  
"Wait a minute..." mused Jazz, who had left his place between the spikes and was now standing back to back with Spaz, shooting randomly into the air, "is it just me, or are these things blind?"  
"Good eye," grunted Chuck, flying a few feet above the melee for a better observation. "They're attracted by sound, but not much else."  
"All right, everyone, be quiet!" yelled Jazz, and the room went mute save for the frenzied squeakings and flapping of the bat creatures themselves. Still full of the bloodlust triggered by the three rabbits and the Hip-Hop, and unable to hear any other victims, the hellish bat things began to attack each other, frenziedly gnawing off wings and heads of their own brethren.  
"No! You're supposed to be attacking JAZZ!" cried the Queen, an instant before realizing the mistake of her action. As one, the seven remaining bat things flew at her, all memories of their earlier slaughter erased in the attack of this new target. The Queen screamed, and raised her shield, attempting to buffet her attackers into submission, but the small purple winged ones quickly gained the upper hand, biting and snapping at Eva's mother's retreating form.  
"Stop that," commanded Jazz, and the bat things turned once more, wondering at the source of this new noise. Jazz brought his blaster up to the firing position and fired one, two, three, four, five, six, seven quick shots towards the confused, circling purple animals. Moments later, all seven had exploded messily, and were lying in bits and pieces on the floor. The Queen poked her face out from behind the protective shield and glared at Jazz.  
"I'm not about to start liking you now, you know," she said, her voice instantly regaining its ordinary regal undertones.  
"When I saved your daughter," retorted Jazz, "she promised me half the kingdom and her paw in marriage. Not that I want to marry you or anything..."  
"Shut up!"  
"...but the least you could do is let us go fight Devan, right?"  
"Evil terrorists! I'll die first..."  
"Don't make me do this," advised Jazz, aiming his gun at her. The Queen thought for a moment before shaking her head defiantly and raising her foot for another ground shaking stamp. Jazz closed his eyes and fired the blaster.  
The Queen brought her shield up to intercept the shot. Red hot blaster-fire met royal shield in an explosion of sparks which left the shield undamaged, but the Queen staggered backwards from the shock. Failing to find a foothold, the blue rabbit monarch waved her hands despairingly, moaning as she fell backwards off of the ledge she had been standing on, into a pit she did not know was there. Jazz gasped and ran to the edge, quickly followed by the dazed Spaz and the scornful Chuck.  
"You haven't won yet!" came the dwindling voice of the Queen from somewhere inside the hole. "There are guards stationed all the way from here to the spaceport! You'll never escape Carrotus aliiiiiiiiiiii... oomph!"  
The Queen's mad tirade was halted as she felt herself land on a smooth, plastic surface which buckled beneath her weight. Instantly it shot back upwards, propelling the angry rabbit back up into the air, past the ledge which she had fallen off of, and into the ceiling above.  
This ceiling was part of, as was the rest of the dungeons, the foundation upon which Carrotus Castle sat, but the Queen's repeated foot stomps and screaming had weakened the material so thoroughly that it came to pieces upon contact with her rapidly rising head. The two rabbits did not wait to find out what would become of her after that, instead jumping over the pit to exit through the door from which soft evening light poured through. Chuck flapped afterwards, pausing only to direct a sarcastic "Hasta la vista, darling." towards the spot where they had last seen the Queen. 


	6. RABT vs Rocket Turtle

Reggie leaned against the wall, watching as Devan pressed the large red button that cemented the attachment between Power Gem and Junction Jumper 2000. There was a whirring, metallic noise, and a green light directly below the button indicated that the operation had been completed successfully.  
"At last!" gloated Devan, standing proudly in front of his masterpiece of multiversal manipulation. "My time machine is completed! Once I finish programming in the proper coordinates in an excessively lengthy process, I can travel back in time and prevent the Galactic Rabbits from ever coming into existence!"  
"Gee, boss, that's great!" observed Reggie, eyes bulging wide in typical lizard fashion. "Now nothing can stop you!"  
There was a small cough from the other side of the laboratory. Devan and Reggie turned around slowly to see the source of the annoyance. Five rabbits stood, waiting, though one - a brown rabbit with Raccoon-like eye markings - appeared to be too injured to pose a threat. The other four were more confident, holding standard issue blasters and glaring defiantly at Devan.  
"Not if we have anything to do with it," announced a gray rabbit in green spandex, cockily twirling his blaster. "Step away from that time machine, Mr. Shell, and put your hands in the air."  
"Of course!" smiled Devan, all previous discomposure at the sight of the intruders replaced by an evil grin. "Of course, you will not mind if my raising my hands should happen to signal my latest super-soldier model? Dear, pathetic, stupid little rabbits, allow me to introduce... the Rocket Turtle."  
Devan threw his hands into the air, and a vent in the back of the room exploded outwards with the force of a Really Fast Missile fired at jackrabbit speed. An aerodynamic turtle blasted out from the wreckage, an enormous rocket strapped to his back, apparently controlled by a device the turtle manipulated with ease. The four uninjured rabbits fired madly at the spot where Devan had been standing, but the terrorist had already disappeared with the aid of his portable warping device. This left them alone against the Rocket Turtle, who seemed to shrug off their blaster shots with only brief winces to display that any contact had been made at all.  
Reggie watched fascinated from behind a coffee machine as the Rocket Turtle swept downwards towards the injured Raccoon-rabbit, picking it up in powerful hind legs before throwing it at the ceiling. There was a sickening crack as rabbit met metal, and the brown creature fell lifelessly to the ground. The other invaders had regrouped around the gray rabbit, who seemed to be rapidly issuing battle orders. As the Rocket Turtle flew downwards at the lagomorphic huddle for a second pass, the four rabbits scattered into all different directions, possibly hoping to confuse the Rocket Turtle. It was not disoriented for more than a moment, however, and quickly turned the rocket around to follow the slowest of the four, a pure white rabbit in some sort of black vest.  
Reggie's attention was shattered when a small blue rabbit ended up behind the coffee machine with him. The rabbit raised her blaster to fire, but had it quickly knocked out of her paws and Reggie spun in a circle, his long tail sweeping in a graceful arc which disarmed his assailant. The two began combat, but quick as the rabbit was, Reggie's long sinewy limbs easily allowed him to block every attack she made. Reggie himself got several hits in on the small blue form, several with his tail, before ending the battle with an uppercut to her jaw. The rabbit tottered backwards, senses reeling, before falling down a floor vent into the labrat holding facility. The genetically grown creatures would be sure to tear the unexpected arrival to shreds, thought Reggie, replacing the vent cover.  
Skirmish over, Reggie turned back to the progress of the Rocket Turtle. It was nearly finished, only the gray rabbit remaining, and that backed into a corner, prepared for certain extinction. At the last moment, as the Rocket Turtle was about to blast into its unprotected body, the gray rabbit leaped into the air, landing squarely on top of the rocket engine. The strapped on turtle desperately pressed random buttons on its controller, trying to shake off the gray rabbit, all to no avail. The gray rabbit began firing at point blank range into the turtle's head. Blinded by pain, it dropped the controller, only to have it be caught by the gray rabbit.  
Cursing, Reggie leaped out from behind the coffee machine, looking around frantically for any form of weapon. However, it was already too late, as the rocket had been turned around, and was now flying directly at Devan's prized creation, the JJ2. Reggie closed his eyes against the explosion as machine met machine in a fury of heat and sound. When he dared open them again, the gray rabbit and the Rocket Turtle were unable to be found, and Devan had warped back in, examining the results of the explosion.  
"Wow, what happened?" asked Reggie, tottering over, stupidity disguise fully back on.  
"Those accursed rabbits have tried to rob me of my destiny," crowed Devan, "but they have failed! These damages are so minor I can repair them within a matter of days. However, I will have to see about improving the security in this place..."  
  
"We've lost all transmission from Offensive Squadron #14," reported Lori, once more being contacted by Eva Earlong on the machine behind her mother's bookcase. "The last message we received was upon their entering Devan's laboratory. We can only assume that they have failed on their mission."  
Eva gulped. "Can you try again?"  
"There are no other operatives situated so near to Runabout Canyon. Any second attempt would take some time to get ready in addition to the travel time. Even portable warp devices like the Link Megawarper don't work for long distances. I'm not sure we can help anymore."  
"It's... up to Spaz, then?"  
"Huh?"  
Oh, Eva realized, she had encountered Spaz after talking to Lori the last time. The yellow corporal didn't know of her own attempt to save Carrotus. "I... sent Jazz's brother, Spaz, to rescue him from the dungeons. They are Jackrabbits... maybe they can be fast enough to reach Devan before his plan, whatever it is, takes hold of the world."  
"Maybe so..." pondered Lori, her mind seemingly elsewhere. There was silence for a few seconds, before the yellow rabbit looked back at Eva. "The only other person I could think of that could help is long retired from his work at R.A.B.T., but he was a master of personal transportation technology... I wonder if I could persuade him to come back and help us this once."  
"Who is he?"  
"I'm not authorized to go around revealing the real names of R.A.B.T. Operatives, even to you, highness. His code-name, though, is Acid..." 


	7. Royal gardens

Jazz looked around in wonder. Grass, plants, the sky... he had not seen the sky since 4 PM, and though almost completely dark, it was a welcome sight. The few bushes and shrubs that grew next to the castle sparkled with dewdrops, reflecting the light coming from the moon that floated, peacefully, above the topmost spire of the castle.  
Spaz pulled himself out of the hole, wincing in pain each time Chuck impatiently snapped at his backside. Soon, both the red rabbit and the Hip- Hop were outside as well, looking around, letting the cool breeze brush lightly across their faces.  
Chuck spoke first. "It's been great seein' ya again and all, but I gotta get going now. You'll be all right with the red guy?"  
"Yes, thank you," said Jazz, smiling as Spaz looked around uncertainly for a red guy. The Hip-Hop took off, wings spread outwards in graceful flight, heading off around the castle to the right. Jazz absently watched the colorful bird before it disappeared around a corner of the building, and then turned his attention to the matter at hand. "Ok... first things first - where are we?"  
"Ooh, a guessing game!" exclaimed Spaz, jumping up and down with glee. "Can I play? Oh, I know! We're in the jail-house now!"  
"No."  
"Never-never land?"  
"No."  
"The War Tavern?"  
"No! We're on Carrotus somewhere, ("I knew that," said Spaz) but what I meant is, where are we relative to the castle?"  
  
Eventually, despite the constant "aid" from Spaz, Jazz managed to plot out their location and destination. Chuck's hole had taken them up to the west side of the castle, just below the royal gardens. As Hopteego Village, according to the Queen, was filled with guards (Spaz had no objection to this, but Jazz was firm on avoiding the loss of lagomorphic life), Jazz decided that their best bet was to climb up the wall of the Grand Ravine and take the straight line route to the Carrotus Spaceport - through the royal gardens of Carrotus.  
The spaceport, explained Jazz, was their most likely destination, as Devan had probably just rebuilt the Turtle Gunner Destroyers or something on that order. A spacecraft was thus essential to foiling the turtle's plans, and since moving into Carrotus Castle, Jazz had finally been able to pay to dock the Jazz-01 at said spaceport. The Jazz-01 was a purely single seat craft, but if Jazz removed the pile of rocks from the back of the ship, there would be plenty of room for Spaz and several others like him, and the ship would go a lot faster as well.  
Plans having been made only left the journey undone, and it had been a very long day for both of them. Spaz stumbled upon a good spot behind some bushes, where they would not be seen during the night by either turtles or rabbits, whichever should pass by. It was an uneasy feeling to be hunted by every species on the planet, but the two brothers eventually got to sleep, each dreaming their own private dreams in preparation for the journey ahead.  
Eva, too, had tossed and turned herself to sleep, anxious for the fate of her planet and species but unable to get anything done by fretting. Already several brave R.A.B.T. Soldiers had died for this cause, and nobody even knew what Devan's plan was, or what they were fighting. All Eva knew was that somehow it involved the gem Jazz had set in place atop her wedding ring. Jazz and Spaz could be anywhere... as could her mother, who had not been heard from since she went out to investigate a few lizards prowling around the castle.  
Only Devan Shell was still awake, working long and hard into the night, trying to get his time machine done before any more unwanted interruptions came along. Devan, that is, and Corporal Lori, who ran tiredly across Carrotus, looking for the mysterious Ex-R.A.B.T. known only as Acid.  
  
Jazz yawned and stretched, lazily basking in the hot sun of the Carrotus morning. Next to him, Spaz was sleeping soundly, curled up into a ball with one thumb inside his mouth, and a green blaster cuddled next to him like a teddy bear. Blinking, Jazz looked around, to discover they were behind a bush. Why were they behind a bush?  
Oh, yeah... the memories of the previous day came flooding back, and Jazz groaned. Spaz, wedding, lizard, Devan, Queen, dungeons, Chuck, spaceport, Devan...  
"Time to go, Spaz!" said Jazz, shakily climbing to his feet and picking up his backpack. "Up for some rock climbing?"  
"I can rock..." muttered Spaz, sleepily, unmoving save for his mouth. "My guitar climbed up to the dungeons last month." Sighing, Jazz kicked the spherical red form, causing Spaz to quickly unbend himself, yelping. The red rabbit leaped to his feet and began looking around wildly for several seconds before noticing his brother standing next to him. A few minutes later, Spaz was awake enough for all intents and purposes, and so the two rabbits set off southwestwards towards the cliff face of the Grand Ravine. Spaz expressed confusion, which was rewarded with yet another explanation of why they were going overland towards the spaceport. Swinging himself up onto a boulder, Jazz began to climb.  
So began Jazz and Spaz's epic and largely unsung journey through the royal gardens of Carrotus Castle. Along the way they faced many perils, such as the blundering and unintelligent lizards, the peaceful and harmless Moth Moths, and the gigantic and heavily armored turtles. These turtles were much tougher than the small ones that the rabbits had encountered while in the dungeons - most likely, these were the ones that could not fit into the hole. Why they had chosen to invade the royal gardens was unclear, but the turtles and lizards did seem to enjoy destroying the various flora and fauna which made up the scenery.  
Unlike the more civilized sections of Carrotus, such as Hopteego Village itself, the royal gardens were remarkable unspoiled by the ever ongoing march of technology. In contrast to the flat, even terrain which spread itself across much of the planet, hills and small cliffs were everywhere, making progress across even such a short distance a slow journey. The native plants of Carrotus were allowed to grow freely - the two rabbits spent many possibly precious seconds threading their way around enormous carrots, across radishes more than double their own size, and climbing along vines to avoid falling into the thorny bushes below.  
Not all the scenery of the royal gardens consisted of enormous varieties of common garden vegetables. Countless foreign tasting fruits grew from various vines or trees, all of which were sampled at least once, and most of which were rejected by at least Jazz. Despite having lived in a hole in the ground for the most part of his life, Jazz was still used to processed city food, which he would order one day and take out of his mailbox the morning after. The organic, untreated specimens growing from the hanging tendrils of greenery were not to his taste, even if you didn't take into account that it was probably illegal to pick them. In contrast, Spaz dug into each new specimen with renewed relish, as if it was the first decent meal he had eaten in days.  
The only time this really caused any major side effect was about halfway through the day, when Spaz wolfed down a peculiarly bright red fruit to "give him strength" after disposing of a lizard. He began to shake uncontrollably, and within a few seconds was vibrating madly at about seventy frames per second.  
"Spaz!" cried Jazz in alarm, "Talk to me!"  
"Ok!" vibrated Spaz, beginning to run madly around in circles. "I'm talking to you now, right?"  
"Yeah... listen, can you control yourself?"  
"Never have!" replied the excited red rabbit, coming to a vibrating halt in front of a lizard when had walked up to investigate. "Hey, watch this!" Spaz extended his wildly vibrating paw and touched the lizard, which exploded into a shower of atomically separated particles.  
Jazz gulped, a mixture of fear and amazement playing across his face. Before the older rabbit could say anything, however, Spaz's vibrating came to a halt, and he slumped exhausted to the ground.  
  
When Spaz came to, it was to the sensation of being dumped unceremoniously onto the ground. Blinking, Spaz observed Jazz groan, stretch, and walk tiredly over to a cliff edge, where he apparently began sunning himself. The logical portion of Spaz's brain almost decided that Jazz must have carried Spaz there, as the location was entirely different from the last place he remembered. Spaz's most recent memory was of receiving his first lollipop at age seven... either that or vibrating insanely from a sugar high and blowing up a lizard... the first seemed more likely.  
Still experimenting with opening his eyes in different patterns, Spaz noticed Jazz stiffen as his ears perked up. Soundlessly, Jazz leaped from the cliff edge he reclined upon, disappearing from Spaz's line of vision.  
Curiosity perked, the red rabbit got up from the ground and ran over to the ledge his brother had recently disappeared from. On the way, he tripped and fell across a rope which was lying un-knotted in his path. Shrugging, Spaz jumped up once more, and again took off for the ledge, dragging the rope with him. A moment later, Spaz dropped to his knees and peered over the edge. There was Jazz, running at top speed, smoldering remains of two turtles behind him. Ahead, however...  
  
Legs flying through the air in a blur of regular ovals, Jazz grinned. This was what he was made to do - not shoot LFG 2000's at random specimens of otherwise neutral species, not crawl tiredly through dungeons looking for a way out, not fly through space looking for adventures - rabbits were built to Run. Really. Fast. Eva could keep her ears... the Jackrabbits had extreme speed, and they were [i]so[/i] keeping that trait for as long as possible!  
An old uncle of Jazz's had once traced the Jackrabbit family line right back to the hare from the Tortoise and the Hare, though nobody was quite sure if the famous duo had ever existed, and they didn't particularly trust the old uncle either. Regardless, Jazz felt a great sense of union with the ancient Hare, as if he was not running across this open field alone - both were fast, and both ran because of troubles with turtles. But, unlike the Hare, Jazz was not about to stop running at least until he turned around and came back to Spaz, who was probably still completely unconscious from his strange fruit reaction. So thinking, Jazz looked in front of him, boggled, and quickly skidded to a stop, dust shooting up into the air in all directions.  
In front of the now motionless green rabbit was an enormous turtle, far bigger than even the ones he and Spaz had encountered throughout the royal gardens - perhaps one of the recently extinct schwarzenguards, apparently not all killed by Jazz on his previous missions against Devan. This purple shelled behemoth had all the markings of a schwarzenguard - size, size, and being a turtle. The thing roared, and Jazz felt his eyes go blank with sheer, unmasked terror.  
Frantically, Jazz looked around for any way to escape while the schwarzenguard was still roaring randomly into the sky. A rope hung from the air. Asking no questions, Jazz grabbed onto the rope and felt himself being hurled upwards into the air. He waved at the still roaring turtle creature, which stared up at his retreating form in confusion. It really did not seem even half so big when he wasn't standing right in front of it.  
Near the peak of his climb, Jazz let go of the rope, and landed squarely on top of a rock ledge, next to Spaz, who had apparently woken up and engineered Jazz's impromptu escape plan.  
"Good work, Spaz," said Jazz, checking the LFG-2000 for scratches, all thoughts of eternal spirits of speed replaced by the urgent vitality of the now. "Want to blow this pop stand and teach that hunk of giant turtle a little lesson?"  
"Sure!" enthused the younger brother, after checking furtively behind his back for a rogue pop stand attack. "It's not all that far down!" So saying, he jumped off the cliff, plummeting down onto the green grass below. Reluctantly conceding Spaz's point, Jazz too leaped off, landing right next to Spaz, who was observing the schwarzenguard with some interest.  
Like Jazz, the turtle had also regained its wits in the time between initial confrontation and rematch. No longer the brain-dead hulking brute of before, the creature had donned large spiked armor, and carried a long chain of spike balls which caused no apparent discomposure to his hand. Walking forwards a few steps, the schwarzenguard swung its right foreleg around in a wide circle before letting loose the spiked chain towards the rabbit brothers.  
"Scatter!" yelled Jazz, pushing Spaz out of the way and firing a few rounds of blaster fire towards the impending cord of doom. All his shots went wild, and Jazz cried out as the spikes dug briefly into his skin before flying back towards the turtle, apparently of their own accord. Ripping off a piece of his bandana, Jazz attempted to bandage his wound while also paying full attention to the battle around him.  
Spaz had taken it into his head to attack the schwarzenguard, and was doing so with great enthusiasm. Shot after shot of both blaster and bouncer rained out from Spaz's gun onto the armored shell of the turtle, who winced slightly at each impact but otherwise seemed unharmed. Spaz managed to jump over its next throw of the spike cord, but it was a near thing.  
"All right..." grunted Jazz, rising from the ground and cocking his weapon, "no more mister nice rabbit." Loading a new cartridge into the sleek blue weapon he carried, Jazz stepped forward and let loose five hundred degrees of flaming toaster pellets, mysteriously found in various places on Carrotus, directly into the open belly of his adversary. The flames pouring forth from the muzzle of Jazz's gun lit up the area, showing looks of first terror, pain, confusion and bemusement as they passed across the face of the schwarzenguard. Suddenly laughing, it swung the chain of spikes in an arc to its right, catching Spaz in mid jump, who had been attempting to ambush the turtle from behind. Jazz stared in horrified fascination, both at the turtle's apparent ability to survive the full force of the flamethrower, and at Spaz's limp form, as it sailed into the air and landed with a sickening thump on the ground. Jazz dashed over to his brother, to find the red rabbit once more unconscious, drool dripping lazily from his half open mouth. Eyes ablaze, Jazz turned back to the mass of muscle, which had finally stopped laughing.  
"I know you..." spat Jazz, grabbing Spaz's green gun from his limp hand, bringing both weapons up to aim at the schwarzenguard. "I've seen your wanted poster in bars across the galaxy. I saw you in Decksta, after you kidnapped the woman who would happily be my wife right now, were it not for your master. And now you're back again, and you've hurt the only family I have in all the galaxy." Jazz stepped forwards menacingly, staring daggers at the face of the schwarzenguard, who had paled slightly. "My name is Jazz Jackrabbit. You hurt my brother - prepare to die."  
And then the green rabbit came to life, dashing across the ground, flying through the air at high speeds, both guns firing an almost constant barrage of red hot fury from every direction, hitting every weak point on the turtle's body before it could even react. The spiked chain thing went flying off into the realms of uselessness, knocked away by the shock-waves caused by a high speed bullet to the hand. In no time at all, the turtle was on its back, whimpering, the LFG-2000 crammed deep into its enormous mouth.  
"Any last words?" whispered Jazz, reloading the cartridge of toaster which had failed earlier. The turtle vigorously nodded its head, and the rabbit, interested despite himself, slowly removed the blaster, keeping Spaz's gun aimed at the side of the turtle's head just in case. "Speak," spoke Jazz, perhaps unnecessarily.  
"I'll tell you everything!" gulped the annihilated antagonist, staring at the two guns held by Jazz. "Devan's plans... where he is... everything!"  
"Keep talking..."  
"He's got a machine... the something 2000... it's a time machine! He says he's going to travel back in time and erase rabbits from all of history!" Jazz's gasp was taken as an indication to continue. "He's working in a secret lab hidden inside of Runabout Canyon... but there's a backdoor right nearby! I can show you the way!"  
  
A few minutes later found both rabbits and the turtle standing over what appeared to be a large pumpkin half buried in the ground. Spaz had recovered without apparent major harm, and after a little discussion, the brothers had decided to follow the schwarzenguard.  
"This," said Spaz, after much consideration of the turtle's find, "appears to be a pupkins."  
"Pumpkin."  
"Yeah, that. Anyway, it's a pupkins," concluded Spaz, looking suspiciously at the schwarzenguard and raising his gun. The threatened turtle quickly made ready to defend the pumpkin's authenticity.  
"No! It looks like a pumpkin, but it lifts up! Here..." so saying, it kicked a seemingly random rock placed on the ground. The rock shuddered, there was a large creaking sound, and the large pumpkin slowly began to lift itself out of the ground, revealing a tunnel underneath. "This," proclaimed the turtle, "leads directly to Devan's secret lab. The time machine should be over in that direction somewhere."  
"Ok," said Jazz, "I'll go first. If its not what the turtle says it is, I'll call out, and you dispose of our large green friend over there. Otherwise, come on in, because I get the feeling there's no time to waste."  
The pumpkin had by then fully removed itself from the hole, leaving Jazz a good deal of room to slide himself into. The green rabbit let go of the sides of the hole, dropping down into the comparative darkness below. A few seconds later, there was a thump, quickly followed by an "All Clear!" from Jazz.  
Spaz looked down at the hole, back at the turtle, back at the hole, back at the turtle, and grinned. Crouching down, he braced his powerful feet against the ground.  
"Uhh... what are you doing?" asked the schwarzenguard, glancing nervously at the evil grin upon the face of his antagonist.  
"Revenge!" cackled Spaz, shooting forwards from the ground with a war whoop, right foot extended in front of the body. The boot clad foot connected solidly with the open belly of the schwarzenguard, who groaned and toppled backwards. Well pleased with himself, the red rabbit hopped down into the hole to answer Jazz's calls of inquiry. 


	8. Spaz vs Rat

Spaz landed carelessly on a cold sheet of metal plating, jumping up again with a yell after the frigid feeling penetrated to his mind. Looking around, he whistled tunelessly. They were in an enormous underground cavern, the walls dyed a peculiar shade of purple by some nameless chemical, and the ground paved over with the cold metal. Spaz was instantly thankful for his insulating boots, and turned to Jazz for further instructions. Jazz was perched upon what appeared to be a high, transparent tube of some sort, with the top plugged up to prevent things from falling in, staring mistrustfully at the ground. The tube bulged out in several places before vanishing into the metal plates and purple dirt, though Spaz couldn't see anything actually inside of it.

"What's wrong, bro?" asked Spaz, leaning on a sign which pointed towards a nearby hole in the ground.

"So cold..." groaned the green rabbit, glaring at the brown metal Spaz stood upon. "It's like it's being intentionally frozen... I can't stand on that!"

Spaz nodded, understanding creeping into his head. Jazz was not wearing shoes, so his feet got cold. Spaz was wearing shoes, but other parts were not wearing shoes, and those parts were cold when they touched the metal. Spaz surmised he should probably get shoes for the rest of his body, but Jazz was a higher priority.

"Wait right there!" he cried, walking happily towards the hole in the ground, "I'll go get you something to wear on your shoes! Or your feet! Unless you walk on your hands, because then you'd want to have the shoes on your hands, and that might be..."

"Just GO!" growled Jazz, suddenly losing patience with Spaz's ramblings. Spaz's eyes went big, but he obeyed, jumping into the pit with all the ease of trying to land on the ground and missing. Closing his eyes, the younger rabbit prepared for a cold, solid impact... which did not come. Instead, the surface he landed on felt quite warm, if solid, and certainly not metal. Spaz ran his boot experimentally up and down his landing spot for a few seconds before remembering that it might be more practical to open his eyes.

Spaz had apparently landed directly on a crate, which was sitting on metal plating, but not actually cold. The crate was made out of several long pieces of wood, somewhat flexible, and somewhat bigger than his palm. Spaz stared at the crate, and the beginnings of an idea began to creep into his subconscious.

However, all thoughts of wood and sizes were cut short when Spaz was suddenly bowled over from behind, falling off of the crate and landing on the metal. Yelping in pain, Spaz thrust his attacker from him and jumped to his feet, spinning around to get a better view of the projectile. The projectile was, as it turned out, an enormous rat, mutated until it was at least as big as Spaz, and displaying enormous teeth. Snarling, the rat latched onto Spaz's arm, teeth digging deeply into the exposed fur and, beneath that, the skin. Spaz yelped again and jerked his arm around in circles, attempting to shake off the attacker, but the rat held on fast.

"Spaz! What's going on down there?" came Jazz's worried voice from above, made quieter by the distance.

"I'm only being attacked by a giant rat!" Spaz cried, aiming a kick at his assailant but being knocked over again by the rat's long tail. The rat, meanwhile, had moved its teeth further down the arm, and were now biting into his wrist.

"Well, shoot it!" yelled Jazz, and Spaz's eyes widened in understanding. His gun! Of course! Grinning, Spaz leveled the blaster at the rodent's enormous head, and was about to fire a searing blast of blue rubber when the tail came around for another swing, knocking the gun downwards. Spaz's shot went wild, hitting the crate, which promptly fell apart. Spaz glanced briefly at the contents of the crate, and suddenly everything became clear.

Spaz threw all his strength against the rat, knocking it backwards onto the wreckage of the crate. Triggered by the impact, the enclosed bomb exploded messily, sending pieces of the rat flying in all directions. Spaz sighed wearily as he felt the teeth let go of his arm, while the remains of the rat fell lifelessly to the ground.

"The gun worked!" he cried upwards, getting quickly upright. The metal was not quite so unbearable after spending a while wrestling on top of it, but it was still preferable to have the only contact be with his shoes... oh, right. Shoes. Feet. Jazz. Spaz looked around in all directions for something wearable, and his eyes fell on some remaining fragments of the broken bomb crate. "Coming up!" he added, gathering the wooden shards up in a bundle and staring up the hole he had come from. There was a ledge about halfway up, but how was he supposed to reach it?

Frowning, Spaz climbed up onto another platform, slightly higher up. A cache of cheese stood neglected in the corner, apparently no longer guarded by the giant rat, and was quickly eaten. Spaz looked up at the hole in the ceiling once more, rubbing his stomach contentedly. It looked much higher than he could ever jump, but Spaz had heard somewhere that objects in rear view may be closer than they appeared... he had come from the hole in the first place, so it was probably a rear view! Clutching the wood tightly to his chest, Spaz pressed his boot clad feet against the metal and and released, leaping into the air and up into the hole. He was not, however, high enough to reach the ledge at the peak of his jump.

So close, however! Straining, Spaz began to twist his body around in midair, pushing his legs downwards as if he was swimming... and was surprised as his body launched once more into the air as if he had jumped off of actual ground, and not just air. Priorities more or less in order, Spaz landed solidly on the ledge before beginning to wonder exactly what he had just done.

Apparently he had jumped off the air, which must mean that the air was solid. Spaz put out a probing finger and moved it around. No, the air wasn't solid. Maybe the air had become solid, because the air liked him? That was plausible, as Spaz had once kept a small tree as a pet, until the neighbors complained it was preventing any sun from coming in their sunlight. Trees made the air like you, and apparently it was paying him back by turning solid at useful moments. Curiously, Spaz leaped into the air once more, and began to twist around. It worked, and he was back on the floor he had first landed on upon entering the cavern. That reminded him again what he was doing up here.

"Hi, bro!" Spaz called, looking up at the tube, where Jazz was sitting, obviously prepared for a long wait. The green rabbit started and looked down, and Spaz proudly held up his pieces of wood. "See? You can wear these on your hands, or feet, or whatever!"

There was a long pause before Jazz nodded slowly, during which Spaz felt no discomfort at all. "All right," Jazz said mutely, "bring them up here."

A few minutes later, Jazz Jackrabbit, hero of the galaxy, almost-prince of the planet Carrotus, looked down on his feet, which were tied to some probably splinter-full pieces of a box by some rope he had stored in his backpack. "I look like a fool," he moaned, shaking his head at the bizarre footwear.

Next to him, Spaz grinned. "No you don't, bro! You look like a hero who's tied wood to his feet because the floor is cold!"

Jazz glared, and stalked towards the hole Spaz had found the wood inside. Though weird, the wooden "shoes" certainly protected his feet from the extreme cold of the metal plating, and that was something to be thankful for. "So, this is the quickest way to Devan, I guess."

"Sure looks it!" enthused Spaz, bouncing back down into the hole without any warning. "Spaz!" cried Jazz, and sighing, leaped down after him

Panting, Corporal Lori leaned against the door-frame for several seconds before knocking on the door. Moments later, the door was opened by a tall green rabbit, who showed appropriate surprise at opening the door to an exhausted female in exercise garments. Surprise was quickly replaced by compassion, as the green rabbit helped Lori inside onto a couch, which she fell onto gratefully.

"Now, I'll get you a drink, and you can tell me what you're doing here," he said, crossing over to a strangely advanced-looking refrigeration unit. "By the way, I'm -"

"Acid, I know," finished Lori, rolling over to better observe the proceedings.

"How did you...? ...oh." Acid returned with a foaming glass of an unidentified liquid, but this time he was scowling. "You're from R.A.B.T, aren't you?" Lori nodded, and he stared moodily at the wall. There was a long pause, until just as Lori was about to say something, her host spoke again.

"I haven't heard that name for a long time, you know," began Acid, still not looking at her. "I thought I was well shot of your organization. I have a job as a scientist now, you know... I make weapons."

Lori saw no movement triggering the instance, but a sleek, gray blaster appeared noiselessly in Acid's paw, not aimed in any real direction, but deadly solely by its existence. "I have a steady source of income... I have friends... I have family. What reason could I possibly have for going back to R.A.B.T? That is what you're here about, isn't it?"

Lori nodded, but it was a useless gesture, as her object still faced away from her. Casting around uselessly for something to say, she hazarded, "and are you still a master of the transportational technologies?"

Acid laughed, and suddenly he was sitting on the couch next to her - a moment later, by the window, leaning against the wall. "Oh, yes," he said, glancing sideways slightly for some unknown reason. "Don't think you can trap me here, or anywhere. Although I don't trust you not to have some secret squadron on the other side of that window... so!" There was an intake of air, and Lori suddenly found herself in a swamp, foot stuck in the slime. Startled, she pulled it out, but polled a bit too hard and fell down onto the ground. Looking up, she saw Acid staring down at her. He put out a paw, and she grasped it, willingly being pulled upright.

"Welcome to the planet Muckamok, milady," proclaimed Acid, encompassing the planet around them with a single gesture. "I come here when I want to practice my devices without hurting anything - as you can see, there's nothing here to hurt, except for a few Froogs on occasion."

"I think you may have left a device here at one point..." muttered Lori, remembering the story of a dejected bounty hunter she had once known. Zornik? Something like that.

"Well, perhaps," was the response, as a large rock came zooming up to Acid, who sat down on it. "I've probably impressed you enough by now. What do you want with me? Be honest."

Surprised by his sudden friendliness, Lori began to explain the problem. "You've heard of Devan Shell?"

"Yes."

"Well, he sent a minion to Carrotus Castle, who crashed Jazz Jackrabbit's wedding to Princess Eva Earlong. The minion also stole her wedding diamond and returned with it to Devan Shell, who is going to take over the world. Eva has sent Spaz Jackrabbit to rescue Jazz, and the two of them are supposed to save everything, but we don't know if they can do it alone"

Acid was lost in thought for several seconds before he asked his question. "This diamond... it wasn't a power gem, was it?"

"It was."

Acid threw up his hands in despairingly, and his precise location began to grow uncertain from his agitation. "Power gems... whatever Devan is building is going to be something big! These Jackrabbit brothers don't have a prayer without my backup. Well, milady, it looks like you've gotten me out of retirement this once, and I don't even know your name. R.A.B.T. rules, I suppose."

Lori nodded, and Acid sighed dramatically. "Ah, well. I'd best be on my way, then... no telling yet how much time I have. Good luck with your part of this!"

_My part of this?_ Lori wondered, before another intake of air hit her. When everything cleared, she was back on Carrotus, on top of a hill, though the hill was no part of Carrotus that she recognized. Large, painted eggs grew out of the ground, and nearby, a large chocolate rabbit stared blankly, paws in a begging position, obviously offering no instruction for why she was here.

"Acid... I'll get you for this," Lori muttered, looking around. She was far too tired just now for another long trip... before she could make a decision, however, there was a loud thud behind her. Wary, the yellow rabbit turned around to see what had just interrupted the tranquility of the hilltop.


End file.
